that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories