Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Holy shit dude........stairs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
