dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole