i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I spit up blood this morning
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.