Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid