Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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