I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Holy sore nipples Batman
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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