Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
