just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
