before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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