i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
