@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
