i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
