Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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