I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
