there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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