I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
