At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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