I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
