Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
