ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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