i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize