If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
