And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
