your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
