How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Randomize
