I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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