This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
