scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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