just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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