i will never coherently bang her
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
