I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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