Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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