12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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