do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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