I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
