Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I touched a dick in church today
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
