I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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