where am i from again
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
