i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
