I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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