I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
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