Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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