i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
