So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
