I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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