Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
