I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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