Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
