I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
