I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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