i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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