and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
