Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
