Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
