Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
