We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
