If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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