his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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