I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
