you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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