one might say we're banned from that church
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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