I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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