1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
