Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
