I just saw a hot homeless man
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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