She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize