It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
