I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
