She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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