I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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