as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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