she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
