If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
