wrigley field is MILF paradise
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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