This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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