K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
